Restless Monday

I went back to work this week after about a week and a day or so off. It was a nice vacation and it felt sooooooooo good to be away. It was a good time for me to spend some time out of the office and kind of reflect on my whole situation there. I have been fantasizing lately about changing jobs, going back to school, or possibly even just changing careers. Something about where I work really depresses me, and I can't quite put my finger on it. I suppose it is probably a myriad of things. For one, I feel so lonely at work. Most of the time, in the office, there is only one other person, a girl a couple of years older than me, whose boss I am. She has a generally whiny attitude that annoys me most of the time. She does have a pretty friendly disposition, but she just complains all of the time and it gets under my skin. Also, the way she interacts with me makes me feel like she thinks I am crazy and don't have it all together or something. It's hard to explain, but most of the time I do not enjoy our interactions. Then there is the part of the nature of my work. Sometimes I feel very encouraged by what we do at my organization, but sometimes I feel very discouraged. I do not have the answer as to how to break the cycle of poverty and many times I do not have the answer to the various multiple problems and conundrums our clients come to us with. I want so much for their lives to be better, but I so often feel like neither of us have the tools to make that happen. I know that in reality, I am helping with some of the tools that are needed to pull people out of crisis, but you can only lead the horse to water, so to speak.

I just feel very morose about my job these days. I feel a lack of support, a lack of motivation, a lack of inspiration. I don't know if I should stick it out or move on, but I am thinking more on the side of moving on most of the time. I just don't know where to go though. I think that I would like to try out a different career, but I am having a hard time deciding what other career path I would be successful in. I think just about anything different than what I am doing now would be great! And that is not to say I do not want to keep helping people through my profession. I think it is mostly the organization that I work for that is disillusioning me from my job. Maybe I would be happier doing the same thing elsewhere. I don't know.

I have so many questions about where my life is headed these days- and I have so many friends who are also questioning themselves the same. Is this a generational thing, this quick dissatisfaction with the real world? Or is this something every generation has experienced, but we are just one of the first to actually have the drive and belief that we can change our lives to suit our goals and dreams as often as we like?