Return to me

So, I am back. Back to blogging, back to reflecting. I used to be such a journaler growing up, and then when blogs were invented, there were a few that I kept for a few years and posted regularly on. But for some reason, a few years back, I stopped blogging and journaling altogether. I am not entirely sure why, but I can say now that I really miss it. I often find myself composing blog posts in my head...you know, that inner monologue that you imagine being typed or written and read by others. I suppose I have just been negligent until now, because although I have a rather reflective nature, I have not spent a lot of time as of recent really examining my thoughts or even sharing them with others. With this new blog, I hope to resurrect that side of me. I think it is actually quite valuable for one to be introspective and spend time actually composing thoughts into something readable, rather than just letting them come and go and be forgotten.

So, welcome to my new blog, Inside Out. I suppose this would be a good time for me to give you a little introduction to myself, even though at this point, I only plan on having one person, my dear friend Erin, read this.

I am 26 now. A working girl. Actually, a girl who works A LOT. I am not married and do not have kids like I thought I would by this age. I do however have a very sweet and loving boyfriend and a great apartment with a wonderful friend from college and her dog. Also, I have a cat who I find quite perfect. Most of my time is spent working. Then on the weekends I spend time resting, cleaning, spending time with my boyfriend, and seeing friends. Life is most of the time overwhelming to me. I think I find adulthood overwhelming altogether. For the most part I think I am succeeding at it, doing well at work, with my finances, with my relationships, managing my time. But it is really difficult, I have to say. There are many things that I want to do and many intentions that I have that so often do not come to fruition. Most of the time I feel like I am on a never-ending merry-go-round. I think that is how I would best describe my life right now. It's crazy, it's fun, it's wild, but it so often makes me dizzy and leaves me wondering if I am going to be riding the same carnival horse forever, if you know what I mean. Wait. That sounds bad. That was not supposed to be, in any way, a reference to my boyfriend. I was mostly referring to my career and the other struggles in life that seem insurmountable.

That is quite the cynical view of life, and I am really quite a content and positive person most of the time. I do love my life for the most part. Lately I have just been having many thoughts about what it means to be an adult, the good and the bad parts of it, etc. This past year (since it is almost the New Year, here is a little New Year's reflection), I don't think I have focused a lot on myself. I find myself stressed and just tired so often, that I feel like my quality of life has lessened a bit. I have not been very connected with my spirituality at all, and I think that is a big part of the problem. Also, I have not taken enough time to take care of myself. I think that's the biggest thing, over all. I have neglected my mind, body, and soul, giving all of my energies to work and the people in my life.

This year I need to re-focus on me, I think. I need to make time for spirituality, reflection, and do something with my body that I truly enjoy and that will help me stay in shape. I sometimes like working out, but I think I would be more committed to the whole thing if I had some sort of an activity that I really liked.

Wow, see! Just by writing this blog and letting my stream of conciousness go, I have been able to pinpoint what is running me ragged and dragging me down! I think that this blog is definitely the start of something good, I hope. More posts to come, soon!